Are security and freedom incompatible?

Social and economic security as well as the ability to enjoy sexual freedom in a classic (patriarchal) relationship seem to be incompatible. Very few people are able to effectively balance these over the long term.

Women want security. Which is understandable, since women bear children and invest so much in their offspring. Thus the collapse of economic security and the social system is a nightmare for them. However, they would also like to have freedom – as long as it doesn’t endanger their security. This means women often sacrifice their freedom in favor of security. This can be frustrating.

Men also want security. But in general, freedom is their top priority. From a biological perspective, they invest less in their offspring. In most cases, they are also much less willing to invest money and time than women are. In classic couple relationships men often feel trapped, and they frequently sacrifice their entire economic security in order to regain their original freedom. This often takes the form of alimony, which is likewise frustrating.

In the traditional patriarchal couple relationship, the female looks for security precisely with somebody who prefers freedom – strange, isn’t it?

Indeed, those are two very different „business models“. But how can we solve this systematic relationship problem? Security and freedom are hard to blend!

In matriarchal or matrilinear families, each child – whether male or female – remains in the care of the mother, who provides lifelong security. Intimate relationships or friendships exist outside of the family: monogamous, polygamous or promiscuous; short or long-term, depending on one’s preference – it’s pure freedom!


Robert Anatol Stein

(c) all rights reserved by Robert Anatol Stein, 2013


About anatolstein

Robert Anatol Stein, Dipl.-Ing. (BA), Systemischer Coach, Systemischer Körperpsychotherapeut,, Mitglied bzw. Unterstützer von: MatriaVal e.V., Greenpeace, World Vision,,,,
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